Thursday, October 14, 2010

Bacon Wrapped Peanut Butter Bananas

Since you big babies got your panties in a bunch over yesterday's reader submission, I figured I would put my awe inspiring creative talents to work and make some crazy shit so you idiots would shut the fuck up. You people are so predictable I knew all I had to do was incorporate bacon into a dessert and those panties would loosen right up. Just try and prove me wrong. Let's begin:

Take some bananas and split them lengthwise. That means slice them in half from top to bottom, stupid. Spread out a thin layer of peanut butter on one half of the banana. This is actually pretty difficult since both surfaces are slick as shit. Don't be afraid to use your hands and be sure not to make the layer of peanut butter too thick.

Put the banana halves back together and wrap them in bacon. Do not squeeze the banana when you are wrapping it. If you do, all the peanut butter will squirt out and you will have to start over again. Also don't use peppered bacon like a total dumbass. The best bacon to use is the shitty thin cut because it wraps well and cooks fast. I used two strips per banana. Seams go on the bottom.

Bake them in a 400 deg oven for 23 minutes but start checking them around 15 min. Pull them out once the bacon is fully cooked. Slice the bananas up and serve on ice cream. Or you can be an immature pervert and plate the bananas as dicks with ice cream balls.

Like this. Take that to your next swinger orgy party, sicko. Eat it.

16 comments:

CarlyNZ said...

Fuck... seriously?!

In my mind this just tastes... wrong. Admittedly here in New Zealand we don't tend to eat bacon with everything, so it's well outside my comfort zone.

Maybe I need to start some kind of pro-bacon movement?

(Love the plating of the baco-nana schlong though. Niiiice. Very classy.)

urabn beer hiker said...

You think you're sooooo funny...

...And you are.

That is all.

Susan Erickson said...

Did you really eat that dick? Did the banana squirt out when you took a bite? ...with peanut butter running down your face...nice....I bet the girls just love you.....

Libby said...

Hmmm. I think I like this! Good one!

Doug Goff said...

Damn my swinger whores are gonna love this shit!

Psychocat said...

Hmm...this gives me an idea. Three words: Bacon. Bananas. Foster. I'll have to report back on that later.

BTW, I have a suggestion for the name of this dessert. Elvis' Dick. The Brits can have their spotted dick, we Americans can have the Elvis' Dick!

=^..^=

Cooking Asshole said...

Haha! "Elvis' Dick!" That's fucking hilarious!

wesley said...

needs nilla wafers and it would be to die for in the south.

Cooking Asshole said...

Great idea! I love those nilla wafers.

whisky13 said...

Fuck Peanut Butter! Nutella! (pun not intended, funny nonetheless!)

Cooking Asshole said...

Someone also suggested that on the Facebooks. I approve!

Kristin said...

This sounds soooo wrong...But my love for bacon and peanut butter just might override my common sense momentarily so I can try this.

B said...

Whoever thinks that bacon and bananas do not go well together...

have shit taste buds.

Thank you asshole, I am sure to try this !

Cooking Asshole said...

You are very welcome! It is the bomb!

Peter - Coffee Beans said...

What a crazy dish you presents, very tempting!

Cooking Asshole said...

Thanks Australian purveyor of coffee. This reminds me...

I went to high school with the son of the New Zealand diplomat to the US. I grew up in DC and attended a badass private school. We sat next to each other in both jazz and concert band. I would relentlessly harass him for being Australian. As a New Zealander, it drove him fucking crazy. Good times...